A review of the new Taylor Swift album “The Tortured Poets Department.” What songs I liked, disliked and didn’t care for.

I took on the daunting task of listening to pop megastar Taylor Swift’s new album, “The Tortured Poets Department,” and gave my opinion on each song.

Nowadays, my experience with Swift’s music is limited to whatever’s playing on the radio. However, I was in high school when she first burst on the scene, so I do have a pretty decent understanding of her past musical exploits. Although I’m indifferent towards her as an artist now, I enjoy listening to her music from time to time. In fact, her 2010 release, “Mine,” is one of my favorite songs.

I called the album daunting for two reasons. For starters, it has thirty-one songs. It’s a mammoth task for any musician to make thirty-one exceptional songs, so I knew there were going to be some duds from the outset. 

Secondly, I know I’m going to annoy a lot of people with some of my opinions and for that, I can only apologize. I don’t know any details about Swift’s personal life, so I’m judging this album based on the music alone. I am an enjoyer of good music and will be judging the album on how it sounds. 

So, let’s just jump in and see where this goes.

Fortnight (feat. Post Malone) – 6/10

This is a decent start to the album. I feel like this song has the essence of a record by Mitski or Caroline Polachek. Swift opts for a more reserved approach to this song, keeping her singing chops hidden. Post Malone doesn’t really add much and is left as an afterthought. The song will probably do well on the charts because it has two of the biggest musical artists collaborating on an inoffensive record. It’s an easy listen.

The Tortured Poets Department – 7.5/10

This song caught me off guard because I’ve never heard Swift swear in any of her past records (this theme continues through the album). The production is like 1980s New Wave pop with a modern vibe. The chorus gets a little repetitive, but I like the direction she went with the melody. It’s nostalgic enough to keep you hooked. It’s not a stellar title track, but it’s strong enough to stand alone as a single.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys – 6/10

This sounds like “Blank Space.” From the production to the flow to the lyrics. But where “Blank Space” excelled is where this song falls flat. It doesn’t have the same fury that manifested in Swift back in 2016. It’s not a bad song by any means, but I heard a better version of it eight years ago.

Down Bad – 8/10

This is a very interesting song. I love the production with the synths and the reverb on Swift’s voice. Again, the lyrics came as a shock to me, but it works as a good foil to the prettier production. I don’t like the song title. It’s a cringeworthy Gen Z term, but the song itself is quite good on its own.

“Down bad

F—k it if I can’t have him

Down bad

F—k it if I can’t have him”

So Long, London – 6/10

I feel like I’ve heard Ed Sheeran sing a similar song to this before. This isn’t a strong vocal performance by Swift. It sounds like she’s just saying the words, devoid of any emotions. The song had potential, but I think Swift’s performance really let it down.

But Daddy I Love Him – 8.5/10

Throwback Taylor Swift. I liked the old Taylor Swift. However, the lyrics are a little weird. It does seem like she was challenged to add a list of words to the song, and she did her best to wedge those words into a rhyme sequence. The song sounds great, though, and that’s all that matters.

“God save the most judgmental creeps

Who say they want what’s best for me

Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I’ll never see

Thinkin’ it can change the beat

Of my heart when he touches me

And counteract the chemistry

And undo the destiny

You ain’t gotta pray for me

Me and my wild boy and all of this wild joy

If all you want is gray for me

Then it’s just white noise, and it’s just my choice”

Fresh Out The Slammer – 6.5/10

Another mediocre Swift singing performance. She sounds monotone on most of the song and really lets down the production. There’s an interesting beat switch towards the end of the record, but it doesn’t last very long and the song ends abruptly.

Florida!!! (feat. Florence + The Machine) – 9/10

This is my favorite song on the album. Florence Welch from Florence & The Machine carries this song with her haunting and powerful voice. Even her backing vocals overshadow Swift and make the listener feel like they’re floating through the song. It sounds like Swift is the featured artist, but she shows emotion in this song, which compliments Welch’s bellowing.

Guilty as Sin? – 9/10

Another strong track. This is what I usually expect from Swift. The entire atmosphere of this song takes me back to when she first started releasing music. The production is very nostalgic, with its country pop vibe and straightforward rhythm. She isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel, and I think that’s what works best for her.

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? – 2/10

She was on a roll for a little while, but this song feels like a brick wall. It has the pacing and cadence of a song from a coming-of-age Disney movie. I can imagine a misunderstood princess singing this song before turning her life around. Even the songwriting reminded me of Merida from Brave. It felt very disingenuous, almost goading the listener into feeling sympathy for her and all her problems.

“So I lеap from the gallows and I levitate down your street

Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream

‘Who’s afraid of little old me?’

I was tame, I was gentle ’til the circus life made me mean

‘Don’t you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth’

Who’s afraid of little old me?

Well, you should be”

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) – 5/10

I can appreciate that she took a risk with this song, but it didn’t pay off. The production and the atmosphere are what stands out to me—I can imagine a cowboy in an old Western film, sitting at the bar with this music playing in the background. But Swift isn’t able to connect the dots with her performance. Her vocals aren’t “cool” enough to do justice to the production.

loml – 8/10

I’m a sucker for a piano. I was waiting for a cookie-cutter love song, and that’s exactly what this is. The song has a minimalistic production, with just enough “oomph” to keep you interested. Also, Swift really shows off her songwriting on this track, something that I’ve been waiting for throughout the album so far.

“I wish I could un-recall

How we almost had it all

Dancing phantoms on the terrace

Are they second-hand embarrassed

That I can’t get out of bed

‘Cause something counterfeit’s dead?”

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart – 6/10

The placement of this song on the album is what lets it down. It has a glittery, hyperpop production, which completely kills the vibe after the last song. Swift took another risk with this song, and it could’ve worked as a stand-alone single. But I don’t see a place for it on this album. It feels forced into the track list, but to her credit, at least it’s not boring.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived – 5/10

I feel like this song was supposed to be so much better than it is. It’s definitely about a breakup – Swift’s area of expertise – but this song is such a letdown. The verses are repetitive and the buildup to the big ending was boring. Even the production didn’t do this song any favors. Overall, it’s very forgettable.

The Alchemy – 7.5/10

I thought Lana Del Rey was the featured artist on this track when I first listened to it, but it’s actually Swift doing a pretty good impression of the alt-pop star. Jack Antonoff’s production is pretty straightforward in its pacing and rhythm, with callbacks to the song, “I Don’t Want To Live Forever,” that Swift featured on with Zayn Malik. It worked back then, and it still works now.

Clara Bow – 4/10

This song was supposed to close out the record before Swift decided to make it a double album. This was an uninteresting and uninspiring song. Both the production and Swift’s performance are nothing to write home about. It feels like a filler song.

The Black Dog – 7.5/10

This is the breakup song that “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived” was supposed to be. It’s also one of Swift’s stronger singing performances. She embodies the rage and sorrow that I expect from her. The production complements Swift’s feelings in the song and meshes well with her tone and cadence.

imgonnagetyouback – 6/10

This is a standard pop song. I’m sure there’s a story behind this song that will provide context behind the lyrics, but the track in itself just isn’t interesting. Olivia Rodrigo has a track with similar sentiments called “get him back!” and it completely outdoes this one.

The Albatross – 6.5/10

One word to describe this song would be inoffensive. It does drag on a bit, which makes it a little harder to listen through. The production is boring, with a repetitive melody and no change in rhythm. Again, it feels like filler.

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus – 8/10

I don’t know who any of these people are, but Swift should write more songs about them. This is a very sweet song, with an airy and light melody. Swift’s performance also stands out on this track, with her songwriting and tone suiting the production perfectly.

How Did It End? – 3/10

This is a dull song. Dull production, dull performance. It was difficult to get through because even Swift doesn’t sound like she wants to sing the song. This song marks the start of the weakest part of the album.

So High School – 5/10

This was a strange attempt at capturing a moment in time that’s become very niche. Swift tries to sound like she’s part of a pop punk band from the 2000’s, but she comes off as corny. It’s like she’s trying to be different for no reason. The song wouldn’t sound out of place in a high school rom-com.

I Hate It Here – 3/10

Looking past the questionable lyrics, this song is just four minutes of nothing. There’s nothing that stands out about this song.

“My friends used to play a game where

We would pick a decade

We wished we could live in instead of this

I’d say the 1830s but without all the racists

And getting married off for the highest bid”

thanK you aIMee – 4/10

Even knowing the backstory to this song doesn’t make it an easier listen. The country-pop production is fun and probably the only redeeming quality of the song.

I Look in People’s Windows – 5/10

Swift is such an interesting person. I wonder what was going through her mind when she wrote this song. I’ve said this many times already, but her songwriting is so weird. I don’t understand why she makes some of the word choices she does, but I’m certain that her fans enjoyed this song. Apart from the lyrics, I think the production let the song down more than Swift’s performance. Its pacing is inconsistent and off-putting.

“So I look in people’s windows

Like I’m some deranged weirdo

I attend Christmas parties from outside

I look in people’s windows

In case you’re at their table

What if your eyes looked up and met mine

One more time?”

The Prophecy – 7/10

This is one of the better songs on the second half of the album. I like the minimalistic production, and the violins at the end were a great addition. Swift’s performance was also a highlight of the track, especially in the back end of the song.

Cassandra – 6/10

Not sure how to feel about this track. It has a nostalgic feel, but there’s nothing inherently special about this song. The folksy production carries this track, but Swift pulls her weight with her performance as well.

Peter – 4/10

This was almost an instant skip. The carousel-like production is extremely repetitive and Swift’s performance was also unimaginative.

The Bolter – 8/10

A high point towards the end of the album, I feel like Swift should tap into this side of her artistry some more. Simple production, solid vocals and a fun vibe; Swift taps into a more playful side, through some pretty scathing lyrics. This is an enjoyable listen.

“All her f–n’ lives

Flashed before her eyes

It feels like the time

She fell through the ice

Then came out alive”

Robin – 3/10

The album should’ve ended with the last song. I don’t understand what she was trying to do here. It’s far too slow, and Swift doesn’t have the singing range to carry a ballad on her own. It’s a snooze-fest that completely brings down the upbeat vibe of the last track.

The Manuscript – 5/10

This song should’ve either been higher up on the track list or omitted completely. It’s not bad by any means, but it feels like she just wanted to end on a somber note instead of an upbeat one.

Overall Rating – 6.5/10

Overall, I feel like this album wasn’t made for the everyday listener. It’s probably an incredibly thought-provoking work of art if you know the backstory behind each song and the reference she’s making. But the album caters to the die-hard fans of Swift, who are ready to lap up any music that she releases. In their eyes, she can do no wrong, and it feels like she knows this.

Swift sounds like she isn’t hungry anymore. There’s no sense of jeopardy behind her music. She’s deservedly reached a level of fame and stardom where she doesn’t have to make albums that change the world. But I was expecting more.

Header by Sofi Martinez